The Egg-cellence Of Egghead
by GodSaveTheKings
Summary: Gotham is a truly grim place filled with many villains of an unspeakable nature. Even so, Batman and his allies have managed to keep the streets clean so far. But, when a new, terrible fiend comes to take Gotham down, will the Dark Knight be able to overcome this threat, or will he fall victim to this merciless monstrosity?


**Inspired by the brilliant works of Vincent Price. **

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Gotham was a city of crime. The murderous cutthroats stalked the streets, picking off whoever they chose for fun. Luckily for the victims of cruelty, shadows picked off the deplorable crooks night after night, bringing hope back to a world where none previously existed.

The crusaders faced many challenges along the way. There was the psychopath Joker, who had poisoned hundreds with his Joker toxin. There was the Penguin, whose criminal empire expanded across the entire city. There was Killer Croc, who had just torn twelve people to shreds a mere week ago. However, they always were able to overcome these threats, and the city remained safe under their watch.

However, no amount of training, or gadgets, or allies could possibly help them against the most nefarious villain that the world had ever seen.

He put on his yellow shirt with a wicked grin. His white suit had no wrinkles, for it had to be worthy of his dastardly status. He took a cloth, and wiped his shiny, bald, brilliant scalp, so that it reflected all light that it came across. He had to look his best, for tonight, he would strike fear into the heart of Gotham. Tonight, he would make thousands fall asleep with nightmares, just knowing that he was waiting to strike again.

Tonight, the name of Egghead would be remembered.

"_Egg_-cellent!" he cried with ecstatic glee. "Tonight will be the night my stupendous plan will come to fruition. Beware, Batman! You won't be _egg_-specting this!"

Egghead strolled out of his egg-shaped hideout, and entered his egg-shaped vehicle. He laughed manically as he turned on the radio, and the song, "The Egg Song," started to play. He pushed down on the egg-shaped gas pedal, and his white, egg-shaped vehicle sped off down the streets.

Egghead received many glares as he rode down the street, probably due to the absolute shock the citizens were experiencing.

"Look at their faces!" Egghead said to himself, gleefully. "They look like they've seen a ghost. Well, I think they've _eggs_-amined my vehicle close enough!"

Egghead pressed the yellow, yolk button on his dashboard, igniting the turbo engine. He sped even faster across Gotham, wasting no time. Soon, he arrived at Gotham Farms, on the outskirts of the city. He stepped out of his vehicle, and walked towards the main farm building. Two guards were blocking the way.

"Halt, you can't enter!" one guard screamed.

"Allow me to introduce myself, gentlemen," Egghead said, bowing before the two. "I'm Egghead, grand criminal mastermind! You two better let me in before I break out of my shell, and show you two what I can really do!"

"Not a chance," the other guard stated. Egghead grinned.

"Oh, my good men, the yolk's on you! That was _eggs-_actly what I thought you would say!"

Suddenly, the guards noticed something on the ground: an egg-shaped bomb, about the size of a football. Egghead pranced away gleefully.

"Last one alive is a rotten egg!" he called out. The bomb exploded, covering the two guards in a sticky yolk substance. The force sent them flying to the ground, and they fell unconscious. Egghead laughed.

"Well, I guess you two really don't _egg_-cel at your jobs!" he said, entering the factory. He went to work immediately. He had brought with him a large sack, for which to hold his prize. He wandered about the farm, looking around excited.

Upon entering a large, brown building, he finally found what he was looking for: the egg storage room. His mouth was ajar. Never before had he seen such a large collection of eggs in his entire life. The entire supply of eggs for all of Gotham was present. It was everything that he could have desired in life.

Ever since he was just a young egg, he dreamed of being in this room. It was truly a fantasy come true. Better yet, once he stole Gotham's supply of eggs, the population would panic. Breakfasts would be incomplete, pastries would stop production, and mass panic would ensue. There would be riots, chaos, distrust in one's neighbors, and so much more. And, better yet, every citizen of Gotham would be living under the constant fear of Egghead. What would he do next? Steal the bacon, perhaps? Or maybe ditch food entirely, and attack the shoe production facility. Batman would never solve his identity, or be able to track him. He would strike terror from the unknown.

Truthfully, the next scheme he planned to hatch was to take a vacation to Petaluma, California, the egg capital of the world. Once there, he would retire in egg-themed luxury, until the end of his days.

"What a splendid day, this is!" Egghead announced to no one, as he started to stuff carton after carton of eggs into his sack. "I am truly the greatest criminal in the world. I am the prime _eggs_-ample for a great villain, and my _egg_-cellence is unmatched by all. I am the winner!"

"What's going on here?"

Egghead turned around. There was Batman, standing in the room with him. He seemed to be wearing a lot more armor than Egghead expected, and he looked angrier to. Regardless, Egghead was not afraid of this bat-like man.

"Ah, I see you have caught onto my plan!" Egghead stated. "No matter! My _egg_-spertise is more than enough to handle you. You are very foolish to only come by yourself, you goody two shoes egg-white!"

"Who are you?" Batman asked, not at all terrified.

"I am the _egg_-uberant Egghead!" said the notorious criminal, rubbing his bald head. "And I'm not _eggs_-aggerating when I state that I am the world's greatest criminal."

"You're stealing eggs," Batman stated.

"That's not all!" Egghead said proudly. "I hate to eggs-acerbate the situation, Batman, but I have planted my egg-bombs all around the city! By daybreak, they shall explode, and spread the smell of rotten eggs all throughout Gotham City! Nothing you can do will stop me."

"I really don't have time for this," Batman said with a groan, slowly approaching the lunatic.

"Oh boy, your _eggs_-asperating me," Egghead stated, reaching into his sack of eggs. "You see, Batman, I'm a very bad egg, and you should always expect rotten tricks from a bad egg!"

Egghead started his magnificent offence. He pelted Batman with many eggs, the shells exploding upon impact. The ammo was practically limitless. Egghead had impeccable aim, as each shot landed perfectly onto the Dark Knight's chest logo.

"Hahahahahaha!" Egghead laughed. "You cannot possibly overcome my barrage of eggs! You will smell of yolk for the rest of your days. The shells will break through your bones, and you will be the first victim of the _egg_-celen-"

Egghead was promptly punched in the face by a very annoyed Caped Crusader. He fell backwards onto his rear, and fell unconscious.

The next thing he knew, he woke up in a cell. He rubbed his bald head, which, much to his displeasure, had received a nasty bruise. Commissioner Gordon and Batman were standing just outside the cell door, each with a look of disdain plastered on their faces.

"So, this guy was just stealing a bunch of eggs?" Gordon asked.

"He kept making egg-based puns," Batman stated. "It's as if he treated the whole thing like a joke."

"Hey, what are you two doing?" Egghead said angrily. "You can't possibly defeat me. I'm the _eggs_-uberant Egghead!"

"His car has been possessed, and his house was raided," Gordon claimed. "There were just pictures of eggs everywhere. He doesn't pose much of a threat now."

"That's where you are mistaken, Commissioner!" Egghead said with an evil laugh. "For soon, my bombs will detonate all around the city! Then, everyone will know of my-"

"The bombs were disposed of," Batman said.

"What? How? That's impossible" Egghead asked, distressed.

"They were shaped like giant eggs," Gordon said with a groan. "Plus, they were all near diners or supermarkets. We found them in about ten minutes."

"Well, this certainly has been interesting," Batman said, ignoring Egghead's newly-found rage.

"Yeah," Gordon said. A police officer ran up to him, clearly in a hurry.

"Commissioner, The Joker has just escaped from Arkham Asylum," the policeman said in a panic.

"You better get on that," Gordon said to Batman, who nodded in agreement. The Dark Knight left silently.

"Hey, where are you going?" Egghead called out. "You can't ignore me! I'm Egghead, the greatest criminal in the world. I am an _eggs_-ponentially bigger threat than a clown! Come back!"

"You're going to be doing some hard time, Egghead," Gordon said, walking away. "Looks like you won't be getting things 'over-easy'."

Gordon walked back to his desk, and sat down. He started to chuckle.

"Ha, egg-puns. Funny stuff."

**The End.**

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